Ancient Advice for Dealing with Life's Ups and Downs

Guest Edition by Jennifer’s Husband

Have you heard the story about the Chinese farmer? He was known to be wise. He had a son and a prize stallion.

One day, the stallion broke free from his pen, and ran away.

“Such bad luck,” neighbors proclaimed.

“Who knows?” replied the farmer.

A week later, the stallion returned, leading a pack of wild horses. The farmer put all of them into the pen.

“Such good luck!” said neighbors.

“Time will tell,” replied the farmer.

Several days later, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the wild horses and it threw him. He broke his leg.

“Such bad luck,” said neighbors.

“We’ll see,” replied the farmer.

Several weeks later, a warlord came through the village, conscripting all of the young men of the village, none of whom were ever heard from again. The injured son was spared.

“Such good luck,” said neighbors.

“Perhaps,” replied the farmer.

This tale actually contains a deep life lesson, if one will apply it.

I had a colonoscopy several months ago. I was given standard general anesthetics to knock me out. Afterwards, my sense of taste seemed permanently changed. I cannot taste sweetness. (Unbeknownst to me, research shows that 25 – 40% of those aged 60+ who receive general anesthesia will have brain changes afterwards.)

“Bad luck”, I thought. Then I noticed that I was steadily losing some belly fat I’d been trying to lose for years. The loss of that fat means less risk of diabetes and other very bad health conditions.

“Good luck”, I’m now thinking, and the taste typically does eventually return.

Who knows? Certainly not us, in the middle of our experiences.

Government fraud is bad news, right?

Here’s another modern example. A friend reported in confidence that he might have accidentally committed fraud with a government program. He learned afterwards that this mistake could lead to prison time and massive fines. There was no clear way to rectify his mistake, so he would have to live with this.

“Bad news”, right?

But, after a few days, the friend noticed something curious. He had been trying for years to instill the habit of gratitude, which he (and I) believe yields many benefits. However, it had not stuck at a visceral level.

Guess what? In the awareness that prison was a distinct, if improbable, possibility; a situation in which he would lose literally everything except life itself (and perhaps even that, considering that he would probably not be a very cooperative prisoner), he spontaneously found himself grateful for—everything. Everything in his life.

So, is that “good news”? Time will tell.

Find enjoyment without value judgment

Have bad events in YOUR life led you to realizations or changes in behavior that delivered to you a hidden blessing, or “good news”?

Here’s how to stop looking at things as having to be “good” or “bad”, without needing to be completely non-attached to any outcome.

1. Something happens. You have an immediate physical sensation that is pleasant / unpleasant.

2. You make a snap judgment that something is good/bad.

3. STOP. Before going any further, or making future plans based on this thing that just happened, take a moment and just breathe. Box breaths (4-second inhales, 4-second holding breath, 4-second exhales, 4 second waiting) are good for calming the nervous system.

4. Whatever the snap judgment was, imagine a scenario where the opposite is true. If something “good” happened, imagine how it could be considered “bad”. If something “bad” happened, imagine how it could be considered “good”.

5. Return to your original judgment, with the knowledge that it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s just the way you’ve chosen to see it.

It’s not enjoying the good times and suffering in the bad times that’s the problem. It’s the belief that the times must be good or bad. Instead, it’s all a matter of perspective.

I’ve been sick this week. High fever, sweating through every piece of clothing I put on, kind of sick. And it was another example of good news / bad news / who knows.

First, because it allowed my husband to demonstrate how thoughtful, caring, and considerate he is. He wrote the main article in this week’s newsletter for me. So, if it doesn’t sound like it’s in my voice … you’re right.

What sparked the whole good news / bad news / who knows discussion is that we spent 4 hours in the ER. (Bad news!) But I was able to get an antibiotic shot and be discharged. (Good news!) With a prescription, but it was after hours for the island pharmacies. (Bad news!) But the hospital had a flyer for a new 24-hour prescription delivery service. (Good news!) My husband had a discussion with the doctor running it, was very impressed, and we may have a new doctor! (We’ll see…)

Your life is what you decide it is!

Jennifer Dunne, Caribbean Compassion Coaching