How To Easily Find Out Which Choice You Should Make

Change Your Perspective to Find Clarity

I was agonizing over the launch date of my new group coaching program. It had been on the schedule for months. But the 10-day kitchen renovation (that I’d been promised would take 2 days) had thrown my house and my schedule into complete disarray.

What should I do? Keep the launch date, and just work like crazy after the renovation finished to get everything done?

Or should I push the date out a few weeks?

My heart was torn. I didn’t know how to decide.

Have you ever seen a 3-D visual illusion? From a particular angle, it looks like one thing. But when you look at it from another, it looks completely different.

One memorable example of this is in the movie Labyrinth. The heroine is trying to find her way through a hedge maze, and it appears that it is not a maze at all. It is just one long corridor of greenery. Then someone shows her that it is an illusion, and there are openings if you know where to look. By following her guide, she is able to navigate the maze.

Another example comes from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. Indy needs to cross a seemingly bottomless chasm as an act of faith. As he steps out into the chasm, he finds that there are pillars to use as steppingstones. He just couldn’t see them from his first perspective.

This same premise of confusing perspective is used in many stage illusions. Something appears one way from the perspective of the audience, but the reality is entirely different.

I needed to find a way to change my perspective about the launch date situation.

I was talking to a mindset coach. He reminded me that it’s not always about the destination. We want to enjoy the journey, as well.

That platitude alone wasn’t enough to help me make a decision. I usually find platitudes more annoying than insightful. But it did set off a chain reaction in my brain, of associations and correlations.

And I realized something important.

I had been viewing the launch through the lens of my Integrity value. Some of the subvalues of Integrity are reliability, commitment, and competence. If I failed to launch on the given date, I would be failing to exhibit reliability, commitment, and competence. I would not be acting in integrity.

I knew that I’d have an uphill battle to make the initial launch date. No relaxing evenings with my husband. No leisurely dinners. It would be wake up, get right to work, and work straight through until bed time.

I didn’t want to do that. But until he mentioned the journey and the destination, I couldn’t see how to push the date and still hold true to my values.

What I realized is that I was looking at the problem through a single lens. Using the lens of my value of integrity was like only caring about the destination. But I have six core values, that make up the entire journey! How did the problem look from the other five?

As soon as I expanded my scope, I realized that ALL of the other lenses called for pushing the launch date.

• Agency valued self-determination and having the independence to choose to act in ways that allowed me to do important work.

• Connection showered me with love, compassion, and acceptance. It also highlighted the need for empathic service and communication, which needed the additional time.

• Supportive systems was overwhelmed by the chaos of my renovation, but believed that there was a right way and a wrong way to launch. The right way required more time.

• Wisdom prompted me to make good choices, by choosing the action supported by most of my values

• Expansion looked at this as an opportunity for growth and learning. Pushing the launch date showed I had learned from the experience.

Even my value of integrity eventually came around. Because once I saw how the other values supported pushing the date, honesty compelled me to push the date.

Because I knew my core values, I was able to view the situation through the lens of each one. Instead of sticking with the one that was being most triggered by the situation.

I went from struggling to make a decision — one I’d been agonizing over for the better part of a week — to instantly knowing the right course of action.

When we have these sorts of internal conflicts, of being unable to choose between two different courses of action, it’s often because of a values mismatch. Some of our values support one course. Other values support another course.

The key is being able to take a step back and view the situation from each of the values in turn.

So, how do you do this in your own life? How do you take that step back and see past the illusion in front of you?

Obviously, the first step is to know your core values. If you haven’t gone through a workshop to identify them, that’s still okay.

Once you have your core values determined, choose one of the core values, and consider your situation again.

Which choice makes sense when looked at through the lens of that value?

One at a time, go through all the core values and consider the situation through that lens.

Usually, there will be an overwhelming majority in favor of one of the options. If you have 6 core values, however, you might end up in a situation where 3 values vote one way and 3 vote another way. In that case, you clearly need to find another option, since neither of the ones you’re considering is really a good solution.

Today’s quote comes from the French essayist, Joseph Joubert. He spent a lot of time in Paris in discussions with other philosophers and essayists. But he published none of his thoughts. Instead, after his death, one of his friends published a collection of the essays he’d written.

Based upon the wildly popular reception of that book, more of his personal papers, correspondence, and brief thoughts that he had not yet turned into full essays were also published.

To me, this quotation speaks to the need to be able to both see your situation clearly, and also, to see it veiled. It is what we choose to believe that may not actually be so that often gives our lives meaning and richness. After all, “hope” can never be proven true until after the hoped-for thing occurs. But does that mean that it is wrong to hope? Of course not!

Viewing confusing and perplexing situations through the lenses of our core values is one way that we can apply wisdom to an illusion. And yet, when we are certain of our course, and have no inner conflicts, it may be wisdom to leave the illusion be.

Find the clarity you need!

Jennifer Dunne, Caribbean Compassion Coaching